clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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