He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
