I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
