I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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