Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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