I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
