That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
