Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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