Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just found a bag of teeth...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize