I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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