i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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