Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
