how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
