Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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