I'm jealous of your bromance
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
