Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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