I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
