Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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