Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
