i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
