I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Randomize
