My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize