i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
