How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
This is the prime rib incident all over again
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize