i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
