it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
