So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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