I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
