My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
