I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have post one night stand depression
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