He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
