mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
