so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
