if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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