Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
