If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
