Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
