giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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