If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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