my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
