sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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