naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So vagazzling was a success
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize