Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
