Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
