so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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