She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
