wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
