YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I bet he comes in French.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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