it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
In America we eat man semen.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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