Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
