70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
