1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize