Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
as a side note pls kill me
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