Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.

(630): View more from Illinois

if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.

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(310): View more from California

my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...

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(916): View more from California

Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms

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(301): View more from Maryland

I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred

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(614): View more from Ohio

Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best

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