I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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