you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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