I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
