In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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