is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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