Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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