i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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