he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I still have a little drunk in my system
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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