have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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