I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
