Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
