the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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