i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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