Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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