Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
