Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
