so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
