This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize