I think im going to throw up on grandma
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
