just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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