We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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