I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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