We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
