Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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