I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
