We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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