Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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