im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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