I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
