You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's official drugs can't kill me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize