I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
