this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
