I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
