There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
