Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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