Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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