I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
