Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
