At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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