super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
