i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
