if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
