I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
