only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
