Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
