Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize