If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
