How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
