I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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