you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
