Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
