Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
