Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
