Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
