I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
